the love of god if anyone calls me "Big Guy" again I'm going to pull
a "HULK" move on someone. We get it, I'm tall, I'm large, I'M HUGE.
I also brought the funk in and slapped you in the face with it. Born
in Ludlow in 1981 I fashioned my first bass from a larger bass. When
that one broke I built a deck and used those profits to by new
stuff. Since then it's been an addiction and in 1998 Ryan and I put
our "guitarists" to good use and started playing rock and roll,
later forming The Wankers.
Pat added the signature bass to what would later be known as The
Wankers' sound. To bad we lost contact with the big guy, we wish him
well. I've played in such memorable acts as "Haleymill", "The
Deltoids" and "Margin of Error"
To know Ryan is to know the heart of
The Wankers, the glue if you
will. Longing to play faster, harder and louder than his "talented"
friends, he approached his comrades and slapped together what is now
The Wankers key set list. Living and dwelling in Ludlow, the house
of many visitors, he didn't leave his beloved estate until after
graduation, when his friends started to disappear. Countless were
the days that Ryan spent in his hot, half renovated house on "Queen
City" going over and over songs with Pat. The entire summer of 2000
saw revision after revision of badly timed songs slapped together
without the aid of a rhythm section. The Beatles had "The
Cavern","The Who" had "The Marquee" and
The Wankers had Ryan's house. In
Ludlow damn near every Wanker song was conceived and originally
practiced. This was before Cincinnati, before jobs, before people
moved away. This was high school baby. Sure the cops were called,
parents yelled, siblings got in the way, but dammit, we knew it was
going to be grand!
Ryan works hard trying to keep
The Wankers afloat. Booking shows,
promoting, building the website and trying to keep his boys on
target, can be a hard job. Especially when the other members of the
band are literally wankers. What, you think we just made that up?
Ryan has also played in FRA with
Lou from Peru and has an evil brother Lazy
This articulate drummer, the third in Wanker history, has a very
asinine style. He's got various interests in Music, but none can top
his love for "THE WHO"
Lou from Peru, as he is dubbed (really he's from Peru) was found by
Bass player Pat, during 3rd shift at DHL. Where Lou no longer
resides. He also drives the huge ass Wanker mobile.
He can rock any
type any time any where, and he usually will. Even tough he is very
forgetful, is always late, and has an odd sense of rumor this boy
brings the old old school to the mix.
Lou has played in:
"THE BLAZE": Classic Rock, British invasion
"DUH" & "DULT" & "Rude Awakening": Funk punk and roll!! "The Cirrus
Bros": classified respectfully as Hippy Shit. "MR MOJO": Blues
traditional recycled "MOJO": which was a Grunge style band
"LESLIE NEISON CONSPIRACY": strident improvisational
fussionistic Funk and Roll with the absence of punk & garage.
HA! You said Frimming.
Matt is the renaissance wanker. for a long time he was our rock
steady back up drummer (and still is), but now 'The Kid' rocks
out on guitar. Matt doesn't really participate in the onstage antics
much, but he adds levels of noise unsurpassed to The Wankers. He has
the craziest guitar style we have ever heard, making this youngster
We found this kid hanging around with Ryan's Brothers Band, Wilson's
Lips, or something like that, we said, "ay, you. They suck, we rule.
Drop the zeros get with the Heros!" - He did. Matt here also does
his own solo shit, which fuckin' rules, but don't tell him that, he
don't take compliments to well!! But We Love You MATT!!
Matt has played in groups such as:
"Molly's Lips" (a Tribute to Nirvana)
"Wilsons Pain" (a Tribute to Weezer)
"Schwartz" (a Tribute to Crap) and "Wilson has a Pain in his Schwartz" (a Tribute to
Weezana) and his newest project, "Eukanuba
and "Cookie Jarvis"
Jeremy plays keyboards
in the band. A first in Wankers history. He added a fuller sound to
the Wankers all ready crazy range. Although Jeremy came to the band
when we all ready had a full set list, we enjoyed what he did so
much that we included him on our full length that we had been
working on for a year prior. We are not exactly sure if he took that
project too seriously though. But we had fun.
He has a MicroKORG synthesizer/vocoder and a 1970's Crummar Tocatta
Now you can see him hanging out with his girlfriend Carol or playing
He also plays drums/bass/and the didgeridoo an Australian wind
instrument made from a gum tree branch hollowed out by termites. He
also plays "Drums in Dancing in Isolation". He loves to draw and
Jeremy has also played in such bands as:
"Lost not Forgotton" and his new projects "Eukanuba
and "Dancing in Isolation"
Brent was our first
Drummer, he came to The Wankers quite by accident, for it was one
cold December night when the young group of misfits stumbled, sort
of expected like, into
a rock and roll shindig,
lacking a drummer. Luckily, Brent was there with "the Saint Jude
Vigilance Society". Since he was an old friend of the band, he
decided to assist this foolish gang, as they let loose on Ludlow
for the first time by lying down some crashing beats and drunken
whiplash. This was a grandiose task, seeing how young Brent had
never practiced with, or let alone heard any Wanker song.
Brent was really good though. He rocked. I love those Surf Style
Jams. He was like a Beat Box. We Miss the Simplicity. Unfortunately,
the call of Indie rock and school was to much and he left our ranks,
but in our hearts we still hear him, not saying anything.
Brent played in bands such as: "The Throbs"'
"The Deltoids", "Halleymill",
and "The Loudmouthed Rodos".
Pulled from a pile of
beer cans and empty "papa johns" pizza boxes, this talented, but
many a times silent , wrangler of the electric six string, was the
most mysterious of The Wankers. A side from dwellings in Ludlow and
Elsmere, no one really knows for certain from whence he came.
Originally "discovered" by Ryan, roaming Ludlow's dark black alley
ways, Mark and Ryan participated
in many a drunken-hoot-a-nanny, toiling for hours upon hours
compressing common experiences of wine, women, weed, and wackiness
into hit songs that you know today as "Wanker Hits". But to know
Mark, you must first know his wily, afore mentioned, counterpart, Ryan.
These two spent many a days jamming out and eating whatever would
come their way, most of the time for the best. Hanging from the
windows of many apartments, which acted as communes for Ludlow's
finest and twisted of the drug culture. they played many a songs,
attracting on-lookers from below.